Around July 1st, after having already spent countless hours digging, trying endless things, researching, and, well, panicking, I had another one of those moments where I kind of silently said to myself, "you know, self...maybe you just don't have the ability to successfully mix vocals". I think I needed to have that discussion so that I could actually then do a 180 degree turn, brush it off, and instead just dig a bit deeper, get my attitude in check (I was near a nervous breakdown at the time, trust me), and then reset my own internal deadlines for everything. Once I did that, things started to calm, and in all honesty I've pretty much always done my worst work when I'm super panicky so calming is absolutely necessary.
It's now August. Yeah, sure, I'm late again, not that it matters really because it's not like I'm turning this release into a record company or anything like that, it's just my own personal "deadline", if you will, that I'm once again late on. However, I think I'm finally through it...and I'm thinking I might finally be basking in the light at the end of the tunnel.
To be very frank, the WHOLE idea for all of this was to mix my own work due to being such a prolific writer. Now, I had zero idea what apple I was biting into 2 decades ago, and it wasn't until I kept failing miserably over and over that I started to comprehend the depths from which I'd have to dig. I've come a very long way over the past 3-5 years and I dare say that I'm pretty proud of my achievements; I just wish I had tried to climb and conquer this mountain about 20 years ago. I also wish I had chosen better technology along the way.
Putting that aside, "Mirror Land" is once again "done" but is in the hardening stage. I think it's mission accomplished because the whole goal for 2025 was to end up at EOY to be pretty proficient at mixing but I knew going into it that it was going to be terribly painful...and it certainly has been. There may have even been a stray tear here and there, that's the level of pain we're talking. Vocals especially have been a disaster for me up until now.
Last night, though, I started revisiting my in progress mixes for the "...Fish" album. With song #1, I hit play, listened to where I left off back in May, and quite frankly thought it sounded pretty awful. I went to work, started reworking the vocals, then some of the music, etc., and within 45 minutes I couldn't believe the difference. Wow. I really have come a long way even since earlier this year. That's progress.
With vocals, I have done such a deep dive that it's nearly ridiculous. Where I started 2025 and where I am now is a million miles away. What was the real issue? Self induced, and that's what hurts the most, but with something like mixing that is not that unusual, in my experience at least. The beauty about ProTools and mixing in general is that it offers you a world of options at your fingertips; the horror is that if you really don't know where to start, you can really box yourself into a corner and not find your way out for eons. It's just the constant tinkering, listening, researching, comparing, etc., that'll help you get out of that corner but you do need a lot of stamina. It's certainly not for the faint of heart.
I'm not going to say that I'm now "Mr. Mixing Engineer" or anything but I DO feel that I'm on the road to a really good place, meaning taking probably a day per mix versus, well, months. As I always say, it's not necessarily how smart you are but knowing the "tricks"...and there are a hell of a lot 'em with this sort of thing. It is August so half the year is gone but I still have 3 full albums to finish by year's end. My hope is that by the time I work through all of this that I'll be exactly where I want to be at long last. Fingers crossed and one can only hope.